The serious

The titles says it all. This post will be the serious musings of the past days leading to the happy day that today is. If Germany wins tonight, it will be the cherry on top of a very (very) delicious cake.

Oit fiance, i know you read my blog. Thanks for today! I loved every minute of it. My bro-in-law said that your head circumference IS on the deep end of the large pool. I love your big head!

1. Small talks really make me want to vomit. I've seen even perfectly respectable adults make themselves look really silly with mundane conversation. I hate yakking. I hate myself when i yak too much. Mental note: don't yak so much, you WILL look silly proyo.

2. " I wasn't the best student, I wasn't the best athlete, in fact I don't have any talents at all. But what I had was the ability to control my time. I can divide and use my time to the best of my advantage" Ryan Seacrest. Ohhh he was a fat kid when he was young. Look at him now! Right, the mission to be a better person will be coupled with a conscious effort to use my time (WISELY)...stop reading CLEO for a start.

3. Am I too naive? Are people really not very nice? Maybe. I always like to include everybody (because seriously nobody likes to be left out) but it seems to be the trend now to be very selective of who one lets into ones clique/study group/society etc etc. This trend goes not only to students but also goes deep into families! Well, in my extended family that is. Oh dear friend, I love you very much, but honestly I was taken aback with what you said. I didn't know WE were going to be that cliquey. I don't know what to feel now. I don't want to hurt your feelings. Maybe it's childish to think that everyone will be nice to everyone. But I don't want to be a mean person. It really makes me sad that I can't have my innocence back. It really hurts me. I used to be a person who likes everyone. I never hated any of my classmates. Even when there was a big girl who was mean to me in school, I never really hated her. I just tuned her out. Come to think of it, that time of my life was great. I didn't have so much hate and hurt in my life. I loved everyone. As I get through other stages in life though, life just gets meaner. I see so called friends hurt each other. Family members talked smack behind each other's back. What? Did somebody switched on the MEAN switch somewehere?

Well, not that I want to self-pity myself, but there were times in my life that I was hurt so bad that I really want to do veterinary instead of medicine. People act worse than animals, might as well treat the cute fluffy ones than smelly back-stabbing, shit-talking brainless homosapiens who only think of their own lusts all the time. And what's worse, all of these shit that has happened to me/around me made me a very MEAN and untrusting person. I don't like how I think now. I really don't. Where is the girl who used to like everyone? Why am I now so suspicious of everyone? I don't trust anybody except only a few people now. But I can't be the trusting girl I used to be can I ?I have to protect myself from being hurt by others. But why are people so mean that they can hurt their 'friends'? Sneaking behind others, just waiting for an opportunity to bring others down. Being so exclusive, choosing A over B because A is sooo much better than poor B who is trying. It's alright B, I'll be your friend. We're in the same boat. We are not good enough.

Time, I hate you! (again, HATRED is in the air) You changed my friends. I loved them so much. What happened to them? What happened to us? I love you dear, I really do. How could you say that? You used to be really friendly to everyone. You were even more friendly than me.

I think that's why fiance and me go so well together. We like everybody or at least try and be the bigger person in an argument. Since I've got a short fuse, he always tells me to be the bigger person and just chill/forget about it/ sleep on my anger. Really good advice dear, you have got such a kind heart. You've been hurt too I know, but you've handled your hurt and anger so well, I wish I have your patience. No point having grudges or being hurt by people's actions. You can always go and shout somewhere if you are really angry. Be the bigger person.

4. I'm sorry for raising my voice at you. I should have lifted my heavy ass to attend to your needs.

5. I want you to know that even if don't approve of your way of life, I am no better than you. I make worse mistakes than I've ever dared to admit to you. I am really very happy for you.

6. It's very hard to be happy for people when you feel like your life is a bucket of shit floating on a sea of shit. The thing is your life is NOT the bucket of shit you think it is. There will always be other people wading knee deep in a sea of shit. They might look like they're riding on cloud 9, but they have their own challenges in life. Life is just that. I have to try now, to always be happy for people, to start loving people for who they are, to forgive and forget, and not talk smack about people. My life may not be as glamourous as I would like it to be. But at least I've got a great family, a super duper lovely fiance, guitar, cats, friends, brains.........too much that I should spend my time being thankful to Him than mulling over my anger and disapointments. Hence, I will be happy for everyone.

7. Just now, as I walked past her, I saw what she was watching on tv. That lady in the programme was saying how thankful she was (being a revert) that God gave her the Light. And how she is praying rather frantically to God to give her family what He gave her. How on earth did I end up being such an ungrateful creature that I am now? Always thinking that life is unfair and all, and never taking a moment to be thankful to Him. Okay fiance, I will start my POTD everyday(starting tomorrow).

8. Hey fiance, I love you okay. You've been so good to me. You're the nicest person that I know. I don't care if they say you're not good enough/ no potential or whatever..( how dare they? If they're so full of bloody potential, why can't they make you a better person already?)

xx