The Last Train Home

If I can catch the last train home,
Maybe you would drive the mile,
And meet me there.

Faces of theirs,
Painful memories in this,
Deserted station filled,
My heart but you see,
I'm trying, running, dying to get home.

Clouds running low,
The heavens broke into tears,
Pitter patter they splattered,
The cold platform,
Overgrown with desire,
Longing and fear,
Of the past so cosy,
So warm and so lovely.

I hurried I did,
The tickets I bought with,
My future because,
I just want to be,
With you my dear.

Yet I forgot,
The train has stopped,
At the end of the track,
You've stepped out,
And waved goodbye.

Many faces, many places,
If they can count,
The colourful times we had,
Take the pain away,
Linking love again and again,
Tell them this and this only,
We are cold, we are lonely,
All because we missed,
Boarding our happy train.

My baby is alive again..!

Yahooo! New strings and I learn how to restring the guitar!

during operation

So excited....!

Finished product

yeay!

so sad

On Sunday I had my first experience of playing rhythm guitar whilst another person plays the lead. That was fun but I messed up a lot which was stupid considering I could play that song ages ago. The nerves!

too nervous!

My phone's videocam is NOT impressive. Tut tut android. How are you going to challenge Apple? I can't record anything that sounds half decent on this!

I was so miserable because he was there so I ended up playing Go Away by Eisley more than a hundred times that day. My housemates must be raking up their ears by now. Sorry...

There is no solid ground. I am so confused.

Have you had the feeling where you feel like you are in between? Of right and wrong. Of black and white. It's difficult and sometimes I want to throw all of it away. Out from the white rays of the right ones. But I don't want to go into the darkness as well. Why can't I be gray? Why do I have to choose?

I heard lovely hymns from the church behind my house as I walked home this evening. Such a perfect ending to a good day. Thank you God.

You seemed so angry at me when I want to do something you don't approve of. Why? Because I can't be as good as you? Because you never have to face these inner demons that I battle everyday? You have your way, I have mine. I want to get to the end just as much as you do, but my path is different from yours. You don't have to save me. My guilt does not belong to you.

On a different note, my guitar needs restringing. Can't wait for the weekend to come! Yeehaw..new strings! New songs to learn! New people to play with!

Sleepless Insomniac

What an idiotic title. Ergh. I hate going back this late.

Anywhoos, Mr Postman has been very nice...this came in through the post.

Woo hoo!! Brightly coloured picks!!!!

No more messing around with missing picks....and trips to that really- really snotty Music Store. Hah!

And these took nearly 3 weeks to die. This ain't right. What chemicals do they put in that water?

After dinner date

3 weeks later

......... This place is so lovely.........

NABUN i DEDICATE this to YOU.....!!

I hang around with weird people.

Nabun had a major bitch fight on Thursday. I've never had a bitch fight before. Something happened between Nabun and her "friend".....somebody's not going to get a lift to the hospital now!!Nabun this song is for you. Please don't have a fight with me. I need a lift to Swindon nanti....

Dorks 1

Dorks 2

Dorks 3

Normal for once!

I need to study! Anyone else for Goo Goo Dolls 16th Nov O2 Academy? Or else I would have to go with Nabun only and it would be awkward because she's weird.

Sorry Nabun I really need that car ride!


xxxxxxxx

cats

I saw a lovely gray cat today, sniffing around the garbage bins. He was so adorable, so I picked him up and started to cuddle him like I always do to my cats back home. One of my neighbors came back as I was playing with him, so we decided to let him in because outside was freezing. He ran straight inside and up the stairs, he knew where my flat is!!

Adorable little kitty.... He ran around my flat like it was his house. I had to harden my heart to put him out again in the cold. I hope he has a place to go to tonight.

1 hour later, I realised what a big mistake that was. That cat probably hadn't had a bath for ages, my eyes were sore, my nose IS still running a marathon. BIG MISTAKE.

There's nothing I can do now except wait for the antihistamine to kick in.

I guess a lot of mistakes happens like this. Good intention, wrong method, people get hurt. And the worst is that I have to put a brave face on and bear whatever people say. Isn't guilt more than enough? .... Direct Eisley quote "we're made that way, made to brave the pain..."


Speaking of Eisley, I'm now learning to play Ambulance by Eisley (this band is so cool)

xx

paronychia

superficial infection lateral to the nail plate

 of the Left Index Finger

I've got paronychia from picking at my nails in the psychiatrist's office. It hurts to press on the strings. He must have put a curse on me. I had to do it to stop myself from dozing off and it's "...not appropriate to take notes whilst somebody is telling you their personal problems...." yada yada yada.....


Booooring.

xx

why girl why?

It's so frustrating when I've been practicing so hard and I  never get better. ;-(
There has to be a better way. Why do other people seem to be able to play well JUST LIKE THAT? Why? I practiced, I learned the chords, I read all the how-to's and yet  I'm still stagnant in these waters. My fingers are so ugly and painful and disfigured. I still cannot play this instrument!

My guitars.Oh such a loser, I don't even know how to rotate this!

I saw a lovely red electric guitar today in a charity shop. It costs 50 quid. Hmm tempting. But will need an amp though...must discuss with other people. Or maybe drag somebody to the music shop(s). Hmm...

I'm just stupid.

" video removed because it is socially unacceptable to record your friend's crush... aiseh... "

See? Other people can just pick up any guitar and play. A friend of mine just took the guitar and start playing. Why can't I have the confidence to do that? Why do my knuckles turn white every time I start playing? *sobs*

sigh.

God is GRRRRREAT!

God is wonderful. God is great.

Today, this week, God has been so wonderful to me. I've never felt this blessed before. Dear God, please make this feelings last, don't let me go astray ever. I'm so happy at this moment and I want everybody else to feel this way. Please help my friends and family, let them be faithful Servants to You, and let them feel your Blessings and Grace in their lives.

I humbly confess to you that there are a lot of times when I feel that You abandoned me when I needed You the most, that Your Commands are sometimes too heavy for me to carry and countless many darkened days that I was angry at You.

It was the lack of Faith in You that brought me to the deep abyss I was in. How full of Grace and Compassionate You are that You are willing to take this ungrateful creature back into Your light. Forgive me Dear God and "..Don't ever let me come back down, or even live a day apart from You.."

 Hello...
I stood there, lost again,
Strong lights beamed,
I almost couldn't see,
The Sign it was there,
But I was blind.

How you lifted me up,
To rise above what,
Was the darkness in my heart,
And the path lit up,
With glowing glow,
Of the forest snow.

Take me please,
Wherever You are,
I don't want to be lost again,
I don't want to be chained,
To this petty world,
Where sins and goodliness,
Chase each other around,
Save me from this tangle,
Of confusion I can't get out.