Thursday 25 August 2011

This Steel Feline

This steel feline,
Is waiting in line,
For her tuna in the brine,
And then she will feel fine..


Sunday 12 June 2011

PIndah Rumah

Okay bye bye blogger, I have really moved to tumblr.

HERE HERE HERE HERE HERE....


xxxxxx

Saturday 11 June 2011

Pre Menstrual Syndrome

I need to stop cursing. I really need to watch what I say. 

btw, Pre Menstrual Syndrome! Hah! front page of the "grown up" BMJ !! Finally it's getting the recognition it deserve!


Friday 10 June 2011

Listen to your doctor please

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG IN TAKING PARACETAMOL FOR FEVER!!!!!!

kadang-kadang rase penat je belajar medic when people don't actually believe what doctors say. Hello, he/she has spent some years of their lives learning about the physiology of the human body, drugs, management of illness, so not to say doctors are always right, but their advice is more reliable than google/wikipedia/doktor tak bertauliah ok.


Hish, seriously, if your kid has a fever, give 'em calpol. you're not going to kill it. IT IS NOT POISON. So please listen to your doctor, even if you think your 5 minutes of reading stuffs up on the internet equates to his/her 5 years of toiling in medical school.


Thursday 9 June 2011

Bored

So very bored. So very bored.




If only my childhood was filled with this kind of music than the crap I listened to... Silverchair was not crap back then.

This is toooooo sweet!


But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see
Love to be
In the arms of all I'm keeping here with me


La la la... I don't want to lose the child in me ever!

Monday 6 June 2011

Thursday 2 June 2011

La Tahzan


The past is gone forever

By brooding over the past and its tragedies, one exhibits a form of insanity - a kind of sickness that destroys resolve to live for the present moment. Those who have a firm purpose have filed away and forgotten occurrences of the past, which will never again see light, since they occupy such a dark place in the recesses of the mind.

Episodes of the past are finished with; sadness cannot retrieve them, melancholy cannot make things right, and depression will never bring the past back to life. This is because the past is non-existent.

Do not live in the nightmares of former times or under the shade of what you have missed. Save yourself from the ghostly apparition of the past. Do you think that you can return the sun to its place of rising, the baby to its mother's womb, milk to the udder, or tears to the eye? By constantly dwelling on the past and its happenings, you place yourself in a very frightful and tragic state of mind.

Reading too much into the past is a waste of the present. When Allah mentioned the affairs of the previous nations, He, the Exalted, said:
 
That was a nation who has passed away.  (Qur'an 2. 134)

Former days are gone and done with, and you benefit nothing by carrying out an autopsy over them, by turning back the wheels of history.

The person who lives in the past is like someone who tries to saw sawdust. Of old, they used to say: "Do not remove the dead from their graves."

Our tragedy is that we are incapable of dealing with the present: neglecting our beautiful castles, we wail over dilapidated buildings. If every man and every jinn were to try jointly to bring back the past, they would most certainly fail. Everything on earth marches forward, preparing for a new season and so should you.




 This is a chapter from La Tahzan. Goodbye past, the present is here. I will serve You and only You oh Allah.

Monday 30 May 2011

Steroid LATHER. ladder. Lather. Leather?

Ok so it seems that my hardship loves me too much and it won't go away, but I kinda like my hardship aka BFF now because:

a) It has made me so much stronger.
b) It made me realise how ungrateful I was to Him.
c) That life is more than just hedonistic pleasures on Saturday and Sunday. Life is actually lovely when you're more in touch with Him.

Candy clouds up on the trees...

 A host of golden daffodils...

The fairies they walked in these woods..

Pure Love..

I even get to live with pretty girls..
So yes. My life is goooooood......

Saturday 28 May 2011

Rainy days

I woke up late today so I didn't have time to call my mother. And when I tried to call her after study group, she was already asleep so I'll just have to bear not talking to her today. Not a good start.

However! Today will insyaAllah be a good day because I will be able to pray today (hopefully) hence maybe God will be at the other end of the line when I call.


There's a spider on my back.

Please, mister can you help me?
There is a being so silly,
A little silly me,
With a long legged beastly,
Spider on my back,
And it's right on track,
To make me a little web,
Of delicious goodies!

Friday 27 May 2011

Memories

Distant though I am,
Orange, Gold and Green,
Firing, Flaming,
Colours around me.........  Eisley~Memories

Don't forget to stay enchanted with the banalities of life!!

Thursday 26 May 2011

a witch named bison

Okay so it is not good to be angry at people. But to the witch who made me cry on Tuesday, you're an idiot and you'll always be an idiot. I hope your daughter will fail her GCSE. You stupid witch. Burn in hell.


Aaaah...so much better!

Tuesday 24 May 2011

oh the shame

This is probably the worst day of my life. Although, saying that I think I am slowly but surely turning into an adult.

How stressful these past few weeks have been, and a lot of times I feel like I don't want to wake up (or I can't wake up because facing another day will be too much). But! there's no point drowning in my own misery, or stew in my own funk. And isn't God kind, in this difficult moment, He picked me up and nudged me in the Right direction.

It's amazing that everybody can rattle off the 6 pillars of faith, but how many can say that they truly have faith in all of the pillars? When was the last time you think about the Prophet pbuh? There's no point reciting mantras in prayers if you don't even think about what you chant. That's the problem with not knowing Arabic. It all gets too archaic and formal, and the true meaning of every prayer recited is lost. And having faith in Qada' and Qadar is difficult too. How many times have you questioned God about His doings? Did He make a mistake? Has He abandoned you?

He loves you that's why He gives you these challenges so that you will be thankful, and come back to Him.

Oh Allah, if You're listening. This has been a humbling experience, and I thank You for giving me this opportunity early in life. Out of adveseries, come out the best of human nature, the kindness I received is well above what I expected, and I never knew that I had the strength to endure what I had endure.

I've got five more minutes before tutorial. Obs and Gobs galore!

Saturday 14 May 2011

Hardship go away

So much for getting all my shit together for the past 3 weeks, the last strands of control slipped past my fingers yesterday.

God, there are so many things I hate in this world, but the thing I hate most is losing control of my own self. Self control is strength, not bending to your own weakness, and isn't that what most people lack? If you can't curb your appetite, you'll be fat. If you can't get over your prejudice, you're an idiot. If you can't tell yourself no to laziness, you're a failure. Ah yes, these are all of the things I hate, and I can't stand lazy bums, fat people and idiots. And what's worse is that, it's so much easier to be these kind of people than to be self-possessed. (possessed by self??)

Stop crying you stupid little girl it's not going to change anything, even if you don't read that pathology chapter you still have to know the prognosis for Gastric Ca. Ah yes don't we all know that adenocarcinoma carries worse prognosis, ah yes we all know what the survival rate is and all that shit I can't do this anymore. 

...............

I can't control others around me, but I can control myself. So to the little fat girl inside, don't you dare come out. I no longer need you, you've been with me for far too long. Go away.

I can't even control my external rectal sphincter let alone my mind!


yes I am annoyed

Yes I am annoyed because you didn't want to treat me to an ice cream, and offered her instead. Why? Did I eat too much of your grapes? I didn't do enough for you? All I wanted was an ice cream. Okay, I'll go and buy my own, and I'll buy you an ice cream if you want. Just remember you're not the only one with a chip on your shoulder. And sometimes a little appreciation goes a long way.


It's true, don't sweat the small stuff. Okay I won't then. This is too trivial to tell anybody, but I don't want to keep it in because I'm fat and I don't need extra emotional calories with me.

Go away I don't want to talk to you.

Friday 6 May 2011

Fatso

Fatso

A little fatso sat there
Oh how sat there,
Licking her fingers,
Little pudgy sausages,
Salty crumbs on her lap.

A little fatso dripped,
Oh how she wonderfully dripped,
Oily tears from her large pores,
Oh hush now little fatso,
You know this has happened before!

A little fatso screamed,
Oh how loudly she screamed,
And stamped her heavy feet,
And off they bounced,
Her fat rolls all aboard,
This fatso ship sailing on,
This oily fatso sea.


Your Mind

Your Mind

If your shrunken mind says it is so,
Then isn't it so.

If your knees will sway to and fro,
Then isn't it so.

If your bones will bend and break,
Then isn't it fair for you to take,
Ages and ages whilst he is gone,
And your wrinkled face so forlorn.

If there is another life for you,
Would you have the strength to pull it through,
Or is life just a repeated song,
Wouldn't you have stopped singing along.

Tell me please for I need to know,
That life in not just a fleeting show,
That you are telling me lies untrue,
That I will never be just another you.

Bus Ride

Bus Ride

Every morning I sat on the bus,
Quietly taking in the lingering rush,
Every morning the bus swerved and swayed,
And how surely it took me away.

Oh how I love to wave goodbye,
To the happy people up in the sky,
And how I love to say hello,
To the people walking down below.

The bus turned a corner,
As I sat and ponder,
Padded paws and fuzzy ears,
Her dirty shoes and crusted tears.

Candy clouds up on the trees,
Fluffy tails so careless and free,
Wrinkly legs slowly stumbling by,
While her young wings are eager to fly.

The bell broke the silence,
And the bus pulled to a stop,
I saw you waiting there,
Wit sunshine dripping from your hair.

Monday 2 May 2011

To the Headmistress

To the Headmistress

Dear Mrs Headmistress,
This is your pupil speaking,
When the harsh light lit your tresses,
I can feel my knobbly knee trembling.

Dear Mrs Headmistress do see,
How do you like being do holy,
How do you like preaching,
Chastising and teaching,
Us lies and your deceits,
Your rookies and your misfits,
Write pages after pages,
Of words untrue,
But still you,
Put us in your golden cages,
Feeding us pristine lies,
Grudging enemies and filial ties.

"and you let them suds dry"

"and you let them suds dry"

Mrs Pronto is always late,
Mrs Pronto is full of hate,
Mrs Pronto thinks she's right,
Always Mrs Pronto is full of spite.

I helped Mrs Pronto do the dishes,
For her painful skin,
And arthritic fingers,
Creaked ever so loudly,
Beating again so surely,
The olden days that lingers.

She scolded me she did,
She said to me loudly she did,
"You stupid goon, look what you did!
You made the china cat cry,
You let the marble bird fly,
And you let them suds dry!"

Rest in peace Mrs Pronto,
Rest in peace now,
Don't you love the darken soil,
And the warm worms wriggling,
Between your dry toes.

From the mouth of a witch

From the mouth of a witch

Bend your ears,
My little dears,
And listen to me,
Sieve my faulty voice,
And cracked lips to see,
Trickle these drops,
Soothing sickly honey,
I'll let you stay and rest your pretty feet.

BETTY

I haven't updated my blog in ages. Just realised I've accumulated poems moems in my notebook, I better write them down before they got lost in the tides of time.

Betty

Betty has a bitter bone,
Poor Betty she's always alone,
Betty has a bitter bone,
Because for poor Betty,
Nobody ever picks up the phone.

Betty came to me again,
She wanted me to end the pain,
I said Betty,
If you want to be free,
You have to laugh at your own misery,
Fall then you crawl,
Hurt before you could love,
And stumble before you rise above.


Monday 14 March 2011

.......After the Quake..... (after the quake)






After the earthquake that hit Japan on Friday, they were hit by tsunamis, nuclear reactor failure, deaths, destruction..... I hope Mr Murakami survives.

Wednesday 9 March 2011

Tumblr

Tumblr. I don't trust it's name hence the logical reason behind exporting all of this blog's posts to it.

Tumblr. Tumbled. Trampled.

LOL. new blog/tumblr here . If I get scared of the technologies, I'll turn back to good old blooger.com. Or maybe to a dear diary with real pages.

Do I?



y'know darlin'

Y'know darlin'.....
                                  I wanted it to be good....
                                                                             I want it all to be good...


But darlin'....
                                 If you want it to be good...
                                                                                 It's not me that did you wrong....

It's ya own damn fault.

Worm Way




After the rain,
The worms come out to play,
After they play,
They like to stay away,
From the busy roads,
Because they get eaten,
By big fat toads,
When the sun shines,
They will go back to their hole,
When I poke them,
They'll wave and say hello,
Oh slippery worms,
Please can you take me away,
Away to your cozy home,
Your pink bodies so very pretty,
Oh worms can you hear me,
I'm carrying a grown up child,
And matches in sticks of fives,
I know you're meek and mild,
So might we trade our pitiful lives?



Monday 7 March 2011

Yukio Mishima

Dead



"Hers was a narrow minded, indomitable and rather wildly poetic spirit"

- Confessions of a Mask 1948-


Monday 21 February 2011

this is for you

I wish you would appreciate the effort I put in (to learn a new song),

I wish you could share my joy (when I learn a new song),

But at least you're supportive (even at the beginning when I can't even remember which string is which),

so thank you dear you're the best (pair of deaf ears)!!!!

We were like two tubs of sourish milk, but now we're high quality matured cheddar,

I know you hate cheese,

Thank God I found you before somebody else does!

3 years ago!
xx

Sunday 20 February 2011

Dear Mr M

Nothing much, just an angry girl's reply to a nutcase.


Dear Mr. M


Dear Mr. M,
You can go away now,
Why M when you are an N?
You have the anger know how,
And I have my loyal men.

Dear Mr. M,
Why N you asked?
You're a capital N Nutcase,
You're just a waste,
Of time and I,
I never go astray,
But you can go away.

So Mr. M,
Pack your suitcase,
Pack all your darling grace,
For you Mr. M I will always say,
Mr. M go away!

Thursday 17 February 2011

Parrot Man

Parrot Man


Parrot man, parrot man,
I swore I saw you tonight.
Parrot man, parrot man,
How you flew into the light.
Parrot man, parrot man,
You're so funny looking,
Parrot man, parrot man,
Shall we go a-beaking?
Parrot man, parrot man,
I'm sorry I teased you so,
Parrot man, parrot man,
You promised to let me go!
Parrot man, parrot man,
Can you stop please?
Parrot man, parrot man,
Stop flicking my precious beak.

Parrot man means something. Don't be a parrot man. I saw parrot man on the train . Parrot man is creepy.
A parrot man is someone who is only known for one thing. It refers to someone with a gimmick, who loses all attention when he loses his gimmick.
It is based on Hale and Pace's story of a man who regularly took his parrot to a bar and was wildly popular. One day he showed up without the parrot, to find no one cared about him.
One should be careful not to become a Parrot Man...

oh life...

Tuesday 8 February 2011

Sorrow

If you try crying everyday, you will notice how tears seem to defy the rules of gravity. Tears can climb up your nose, blind the other eyes and flood the entire pillowcase in minutes. And tears are not warm, they're always cold, cold, cold so cold they'll freeze your cheeks off. Phone calls are always punctuated with tears, but it's not as bad as having the life support machine rudely interrupting your conversations. When you can't find the words to say to your own mother, it feels like the world is an unkind place to be in.

As if that's not enough, the pain in your chest is getting worse day by day. You can't sleep without feeling suffocated but being awake is a hellish ordeal in itself. Stretch your muscles tight, stretch them so that a smile can be plastered on without effort. Oh if you want to know, my pain is:

S- Chest
O- Since the admission
C-Stabbing,burning,suffocating
R- To the tears duct
A- SOB, dizziness
T- All the time
E- phone calls,emails, texts, friends that are not supportive
S- 1 million/10

Rx: ........???

Storm

Storm

And the sunlight is mocking me,
And the blue sky is greedy,
Why can't you be quiet?
Be sombre you stupid fools,
A storm is coming,
It will take it's time,
Like an annoying aunt,
Overstaying her welcome.

Saturday 22 January 2011

Heheheheh

hehehehe he is such a joke, everyone is laughing at him but everyone needs to be nice but he is still such a joke it's too funny not to laugh but hey you, the joke is on you. Heheheheheh.....

Thursday 13 January 2011

guitar xx

Finger picking the unfingerpickingable. WTF? It's like breathing in the sand.

................................. this sucks....................................................................

I want need this so bad.
Taylor Big Baby
Getting a Taylor Baby would be stupid, I've got a 1/2 size classical Ebay one. Can't use full size Taylor. This one would be perfect! Only thing is it costs 400 pounds. Mati tak makan aku.

T_T

Saturday 8 January 2011

Who's the best poet?

I've got my personal list of best poets and lyricists (they come under poets too I don't care).

John Keats: La Belle Dame sans Merci, To Autumn, Ode on Melancholy

William Wordsworth:I wandered lonely as a cloud

Edgar Allan Poe: A Dream within A Dream

Andrew Marvel: Time Winged Chariot

Will. Shakespeare:I like his plays more than his sonnets T_T

Daniel Johns of Silverchair

Matt Bellamy of Muse

Jason Wade forever and ever and ever

the Duprees.... and so many more I can't list 'em all BUT:

This is so poetic, pray won't you stop and listen  for a while?

Surah Al-Hijr (16-18)
It is We Who have set out the Zodiacal Signs in the Heavens and made them fair-seeming to all beholders;

And (moreover) We have guarded them from every evil spirit accursed:

But any that gains hearing by stealth is pursued by a flaming fire bright (to see).



I will be perpetually amazed with the beauty on its pages.

xx

Thursday 6 January 2011

Dan sebenarnya guitar bukanlah penting sangat

Betul, it's not the most important thing in life. These past weeks have been tough on me, physically, emotionally, spiritually. At least I'm now riding the calm waves after the storm. Thank you God.

I have many things to write about, but too tired to do so. Screw that, I lack the intelligence to write "proper" sentences, let alone do "proper" cannulations and "proper" intubations.

So I failed to do one cannulation and failed to intubate a patient this morning.

Pakcik Encik tu tanya so Sarah, kau belaja university mane? Bristol ke Oxford?

Erh, saye dari Bristol encik.

Oooh, jadi mane satu sekolah perubatan yang lagi bagus? Oxford? Pelajar mereka mesti tahu intubate kan?

Ye laaaaaaaaaaaa kot pakcik. Pelajar Bristol bodoh sket pakcik. Terutama pelajar perempuan Asia ni dh la tak cukup tinggi nak tgk anak tekak orang puteh yang debab debab ni. Dh la debab mulut berbau sungguh wangi penat saye bagging mereka tapi hidung besar mereka mmg susah nak di mask dengan betul.

Waaaah yoy, bestnye kau mengumpat mat saleh dlm BM padahal diorang baik je dgn kau. One even hugged me for a long time while I cried when I got the bad news. Mat saleh baik, sorry mat saleh. I like you guys. Cume kurangkan mengumpat, mengkomplain, minum arak mabuk dan sila berbuat baik sedikit kepada the other Sarah. This Sarah is fine, the other Sarah please.

Actually, I really like you guys. Thanks for being nice to me.

Dog: Cannulated


Nak tido. Kene pegi theatre at 8 am tiap-tiap pagi. WTF?

xx