Inspired, Inspiration, Inspire, EXPIRED

Last Sunday, I had my first "jamming session". We played 2 songs Where ever You Will Go by The Calling and There She Goes by The LAs complete with lead, rhythm and base guitars. Such a dear diary moment, I think playing together is so much more fun than playing solo.


Finger picking is going great, C and F chords sound nicer now, not using capo at all, learnt 4 songs in 4 days, managed to figure out Unintended intro (with help) okay I'm not going too bad I suppose.

It's hard to be inspired when you're stuck here. All I can see is snow, deers, ambulances, dying patients, dead patients, overpriced hospital food, the need to speak in English 24/7...... aku nak cakap bahasa melayu lah skarang.

Tadi mase ward round, ade this lady, umur baru 28 tahun, just diagnosed with NK T cell lymphoma in the summer. Besar kemungkinan will be dead minggu ni. Tapi kenape aku tak rase sedih? Tak rase kesian pun. Last year, aku nangis tg pakcik tu mati atas stretcher (tapi mase tu first day medicine and surgery bengong punyer doktor suro aku ikut tgk pakcik yg dh mati watpe, what can i possibly learn?) Ok aku rase kesian kat die,tapi kalau die mati minggu ni, there will be extra bed in the hospital for other people. Tapi kan tadi lepas ward round, I walked out of the ward, pastu nampak husband of the lady yang sakit tu, he looked so small and meek. She's not going to make it through this week, how does he feel? Mungkin baru je kahwin. Oh bile tulis baru rase sedih. Bagus, nampaknye diri ku ini telah pandai membina benteng emosi dgn pesakit. Shit terenye BM aku. Minggu lepas ade sorang pesakit lelaki ni, die pun ade ape ntah, leukemia ke lymphoma, anyways, die pun mase jumpa die last week, mcm dh nak mati, this week mmg betul2 dh pergi to the next life. Minggu lepas aku pergi tgk post mortem. Ade nenek ni, pagi tu die kate sakit belakang, bawak pergi jumpa GP, GP ingat sakit air kencing (UTI= sakit air kencing?/pundi kencing/buah pinggang??? banyak sgt organ aku tak tau which one is which), pastu kasi nenek tu antibiotik, nenek tu keluar je klinik, rebah pastu mati dlm perjalan ke hospital. Rupenye die ade aortic aneurysm, maksudnye saluran darah die pecah. Aku nampak la badan die kene potong, darah tu mcm tasik dlm abdominal cavity die. Bau macam ayam. Mayat orang bau macam ayam. Aku tak suka masuk rumah mayat, aku tak suke tgk mayat orang, and I DONT LIKE CHICKEN.

DEATH DEATH DEATH

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE INSPIRED? These people will expire soon, this is so disturbing. I can't wait to go out of this place.




At least there are some more mince pies....NYUM!