pengat durian

Such a beautiful day today! Thank you dear God. Your bounty is everywhere, Your Mercy is in the air. Even the cats looked extra happy today.

Grandma made her effortless coconut-free pengat durian. yummy... I miss my grandma so much when I'm in Bristol. Her cooking is just heavenly. *tears*

Steps to make coconut free pengat durian:

Ingredients

3 Durians
1/2 packet Gula Merah (muscavado sugar?)
1/2 carton low fat milk
white sugar to taste




1. Cook muscavado sugar with water.
2. Strain the solution.
3. Add durian.
4. Add milk.
5. Add sugar/ more milk to taste.

6. End product.
xx

Tired and weird

I took this picture of Mrs Ricey when I was in 1st Year. This was the year when I realised that people are not very nice. That fact was scary. At first.
This is a picture of Nevada, my handsome guinea pig. He's hot and he eats a lot. I miss him. I took care of him when I was in second year. I liked second year. It was a year of mistakes and redemption.
My parents went the extra effort to bring me to Tasik Bera just because I said I haven't been to Tasik Bera. Love your parents please!

Today was fun! Thank you God.

This blog is so going to be un-guitar. Ergh.

Went out with a dear friend, thank God she's happy now. Made plans to go for a fun Bangi trip with the gals today yeay!

I still have the flu today. Sore throat + headache+ runny nose...NOT attractive at all. Considering my sickness, still managed to watch all the football matches and eat like there's no tomorrow. I will NOT fit in my kebaya now. Ergh.

I ditched Othello for CLEO today, so much for sharpening my brain!

Oh dear, well, I think I'm succeeding in converting a certain someone to love guitar as much as I do....hehehe.. Everybody deserves to be introduced to this wonderful instrument, it's a life saver! Although she wasn't duly impressed with my guitar skills (blame the classical guitar! ergh) I can tell she is really interested to learn how to play this great instrument. Oh! How I wish somebody could teach me guitar always.I hate begging for lessons but don't have enough money for proper lessons!


Counting the days now. oh...

xx

Tired and jet lag

After the tiring 24 hours journey, which surprisingly didn't feel so bad with him by my side (thanks darling! I'm staying up to watch Germany now!) I now feel extremely woozy.

Yeay! I got to choose the design for my engagement dress, which will be gorgeous!! (hopefully) I went full on: a corset + kota bharu top + straight line skirt .. chiffon and silk lining underneath from Arab Street Singapore. This is fun!

I'm 112 pages through Soseki Natsume's I Am A Cat. Slow progress. My head hurts whenever I start reading. I think I'm down with a flu.

Sat with my grandma and adik in the evening. Lovely feeling, we sat down and just chill out, eating fresh durians, the storm on the horizon, Starchup lazing around like an old dog..I love that cat. Wish I had a camera though, that was such a pretty scene.

The sky must be God's painting canvas. It was soooo beautiful.

1am: Sky blue

5pm: Dark grey

6pm: Rusty Yellow

7pm: Soft Dark Pink

7.30pm: Dark Blue

8pm: Pitch Black

Started strumming the guitar in my room, just realised how weird it feels to play on a classical guitar. The neck is wider, so my hand hurts more when I warp it around the neck. It sounds weird when I strum. Do not like classical guitar.

Managed to figure out the memory problem. !!!

Okay, I feel really sick.

Redemption

I'm sooo tired from all the packing. Surely owning this much junk is a criminal offense!

Well, these couple of days have been really hard on me. Physically, mentally, spiritually and financially. I just want to roll over and pass out. To make things worse, i've packed my guitar(s) away!! ohhhhh.....


Exam went terribly wrong. Moving out was a disaster. New ipod (and macbook) was a hellish ordeal. Going back home is a long and expensive journey. Butterflies about the upcoming engagement makes everything seemed black and surreal. I don't feel like I'm living anymore. My knees hurt so much.

Anyways, i've been wanting to write about this for quite a while. Yesterday somebody told me something that was quite a shock. She said that even though I don't look like I'm a good person, I'm actually trying. She's so wrong. I've given up trying a long time ago.

I've always felt that one is either intrinsically good or intrisically bad. I belong to the lattter. I'm a bad person inside and out. I don't like being bad. But I don't like being good either. I'm somewhere in between.

I've been thinking lately, that, people always say that they're still searching for the light. Are they actively looking for it or are they just waiting for it to fall on their laps?

I'm so far from salvation right now that I haven't feel blessed for so long. Too long. Maybe these misfortunes that I am going through are His way of bringing me back to Him. Don't know, I don't think He wants me though. I'm a wicked soul full of sins and blasphemy. To think I actually enjoyed being like this. Proves that I'm a rotten person.

Oh well, since I'm already jaded to the neck, I better start swimming to the shore now. If I drown halfway, at least I've tried. What good would come out if I spend my days dreaming aboout being somebody who I'm not? I can only change myself.

Okay, I need Your help. I really do. I'm going to drown alone if You don't help me. I'll find my salvation by myself. Get that spark inside me first, then turn to others to build up on it. FIND IT FIRST.


Can you hear me?

Too tired to tread,
The waters are too deep,
The waves are rolling,
Rocking away my ship.

These delusions I see,
Are just images in time,
Too frail to stand and weep,
Against the odds by the side.

If You can hear me,
If You want to,
I am learning the strokes now,
At the end of the sea,

It's hard to believe,
Something you don't know,
Harder still to follow,
What others show.

I might be damned,
I might be scarred,
I might be broken,
But I will not marr.

This beautiful life You gave me,
I will make it beautiful,
Even if I falter,
I will make it fruitful,
Just to please You.


xx

Note to self

To do after exam:

a) Clean room
b) Pack Junk
c) Buy Ipod (?)
d) Camera?
e) Write all the stuff I want to write.
f) Use book voucher

???

xx

Time

Mr Murakami is wrong. Nobody is that mature at the age of 20. Heck i'm inching 22 yrs of age and still act like a 12 yr old. Maybe I am still 12. Stuck in a 22 yr old body. Late bloomer.

Hah Mr Murakami, I don't believe there's any 20 yrs old whose mature and wise enough to be that thoughtful and different. Most ppl I know still chase adolescent dreams well into their 20s. Self included. I hate being this immature.ergh.

I wish.... I wish.... I wish..... erm...yesterday I saw a homeless guy drinking coffee and eating leftovers FROM A BIN! poor guy.

I wish I could turn back time and rectify all my foolish mistakes.

Ode to Time

Time,
You went past me without so much of a hello,
How was I supposed to know,
That you're not coming back,
That with every broken heart,
You will and will not mend,
I tried so hard,
Memorising this and that,
Right words to say,
Right game to play,
Too late I realised,
You never stay,
Never stop for no one,
So I will sit here tight,
Wishing you would stop,
And carry me back,
Back when everything was right.



It's time like this I can hear "time's winged chariot" hurrying near!

xx

Sickness

Too many things happened yesterday.

1. The most significant is of course, how the cursed Israelian army raided an aid (AID) flotilla. It's just too much.

2. He said he didn't do too well on his exam. I hope he'll get by. He worked really hard for this. I can tell he was really down in the dumps yesterday.

3. Fell sick yesterday. Stupidly didn't bring my inhaler with me. Suffered through the night wheezing. Vomitus. Almost blacked out this morning. With the help of a sympathetic friend, managed to crawl into bed.

....today shall be a better day! I learnt a lot from yesterday. Will write again later today.

xx