Steroid LATHER. ladder. Lather. Leather?

Ok so it seems that my hardship loves me too much and it won't go away, but I kinda like my hardship aka BFF now because:

a) It has made me so much stronger.
b) It made me realise how ungrateful I was to Him.
c) That life is more than just hedonistic pleasures on Saturday and Sunday. Life is actually lovely when you're more in touch with Him.

Candy clouds up on the trees...

 A host of golden daffodils...

The fairies they walked in these woods..

Pure Love..

I even get to live with pretty girls..

So yes. My life is goooooood......

Rainy days

I woke up late today so I didn't have time to call my mother. And when I tried to call her after study group, she was already asleep so I'll just have to bear not talking to her today. Not a good start.

However! Today will insyaAllah be a good day because I will be able to pray today (hopefully) hence maybe God will be at the other end of the line when I call.


There's a spider on my back.
Please, mister can you help me?
There is a being so silly,
A little silly me,
With a long legged beastly,
Spider on my back,
And it's right on track,
To make me a little web,
Of delicious goodies!

Memories

Distant though I am,
Orange, Gold and Green,
Firing, Flaming,
Colours around me.........  Eisley~Memories

Don't forget to stay enchanted with the banalities of life!!

a witch named bison

Okay so it is not good to be angry at people. But to the witch who made me cry on Tuesday, you're an idiot and you'll always be an idiot. I hope your daughter will fail her GCSE. You stupid witch. Burn in hell.


Aaaah...so much better!

oh the shame

This is probably the worst day of my life. Although, saying that I think I am slowly but surely turning into an adult.

How stressful these past few weeks have been, and a lot of times I feel like I don't want to wake up (or I can't wake up because facing another day will be too much). But! there's no point drowning in my own misery, or stew in my own funk. And isn't God kind, in this difficult moment, He picked me up and nudged me in the Right direction.

It's amazing that everybody can rattle off the 6 pillars of faith, but how many can say that they truly have faith in all of the pillars? When was the last time you think about the Prophet pbuh? There's no point reciting mantras in prayers if you don't even think about what you chant. That's the problem with not knowing Arabic. It all gets too archaic and formal, and the true meaning of every prayer recited is lost. And having faith in Qada' and Qadar is difficult too. How many times have you questioned God about His doings? Did He make a mistake? Has He abandoned you?

He loves you that's why He gives you these challenges so that you will be thankful, and come back to Him.

Oh Allah, if You're listening. This has been a humbling experience, and I thank You for giving me this opportunity early in life. Out of adveseries, come out the best of human nature, the kindness I received is well above what I expected, and I never knew that I had the strength to endure what I had endure.

I've got five more minutes before tutorial. Obs and Gobs galore!

Hardship go away

So much for getting all my shit together for the past 3 weeks, the last strands of control slipped past my fingers yesterday.

God, there are so many things I hate in this world, but the thing I hate most is losing control of my own self. Self control is strength, not bending to your own weakness, and isn't that what most people lack? If you can't curb your appetite, you'll be fat. If you can't get over your prejudice, you're an idiot. If you can't tell yourself no to laziness, you're a failure. Ah yes, these are all of the things I hate, and I can't stand lazy bums, fat people and idiots. And what's worse is that, it's so much easier to be these kind of people than to be self-possessed. (possessed by self??)

Stop crying you stupid little girl it's not going to change anything, even if you don't read that pathology chapter you still have to know the prognosis for Gastric Ca. Ah yes don't we all know that adenocarcinoma carries worse prognosis, ah yes we all know what the survival rate is and all that shit I can't do this anymore. 

...............

I can't control others around me, but I can control myself. So to the little fat girl inside, don't you dare come out. I no longer need you, you've been with me for far too long. Go away.

I can't even control my external rectal sphincter let alone my mind!

yes I am annoyed

Yes I am annoyed because you didn't want to treat me to an ice cream, and offered her instead. Why? Did I eat too much of your grapes? I didn't do enough for you? All I wanted was an ice cream. Okay, I'll go and buy my own, and I'll buy you an ice cream if you want. Just remember you're not the only one with a chip on your shoulder. And sometimes a little appreciation goes a long way.

It's true, don't sweat the small stuff. Okay I won't then. This is too trivial to tell anybody, but I don't want to keep it in because I'm fat and I don't need extra emotional calories with me.

Go away I don't want to talk to you.