Steroid LATHER. ladder. Lather. Leather?

Ok so it seems that my hardship loves me too much and it won't go away, but I kinda like my hardship aka BFF now because:

a) It has made me so much stronger.
b) It made me realise how ungrateful I was to Him.
c) That life is more than just hedonistic pleasures on Saturday and Sunday. Life is actually lovely when you're more in touch with Him.

Candy clouds up on the trees...

 A host of golden daffodils...

The fairies they walked in these woods..

Pure Love..

I even get to live with pretty girls..

So yes. My life is goooooood......

Rainy days

I woke up late today so I didn't have time to call my mother. And when I tried to call her after study group, she was already asleep so I'll just have to bear not talking to her today. Not a good start.

However! Today will insyaAllah be a good day because I will be able to pray today (hopefully) hence maybe God will be at the other end of the line when I call.


There's a spider on my back.
Please, mister can you help me?
There is a being so silly,
A little silly me,
With a long legged beastly,
Spider on my back,
And it's right on track,
To make me a little web,
Of delicious goodies!

Memories

Distant though I am,
Orange, Gold and Green,
Firing, Flaming,
Colours around me.........  Eisley~Memories

Don't forget to stay enchanted with the banalities of life!!

a witch named bison

Okay so it is not good to be angry at people. But to the witch who made me cry on Tuesday, you're an idiot and you'll always be an idiot. I hope your daughter will fail her GCSE. You stupid witch. Burn in hell.


Aaaah...so much better!

oh the shame

This is probably the worst day of my life. Although, saying that I think I am slowly but surely turning into an adult.

How stressful these past few weeks have been, and a lot of times I feel like I don't want to wake up (or I can't wake up because facing another day will be too much). But! there's no point drowning in my own misery, or stew in my own funk. And isn't God kind, in this difficult moment, He picked me up and nudged me in the Right direction.

It's amazing that everybody can rattle off the 6 pillars of faith, but how many can say that they truly have faith in all of the pillars? When was the last time you think about the Prophet pbuh? There's no point reciting mantras in prayers if you don't even think about what you chant. That's the problem with not knowing Arabic. It all gets too archaic and formal, and the true meaning of every prayer recited is lost. And having faith in Qada' and Qadar is difficult too. How many times have you questioned God about His doings? Did He make a mistake? Has He abandoned you?

He loves you that's why He gives you these challenges so that you will be thankful, and come back to Him.

Oh Allah, if You're listening. This has been a humbling experience, and I thank You for giving me this opportunity early in life. Out of adveseries, come out the best of human nature, the kindness I received is well above what I expected, and I never knew that I had the strength to endure what I had endure.

I've got five more minutes before tutorial. Obs and Gobs galore!

Hardship go away

So much for getting all my shit together for the past 3 weeks, the last strands of control slipped past my fingers yesterday.

God, there are so many things I hate in this world, but the thing I hate most is losing control of my own self. Self control is strength, not bending to your own weakness, and isn't that what most people lack? If you can't curb your appetite, you'll be fat. If you can't get over your prejudice, you're an idiot. If you can't tell yourself no to laziness, you're a failure. Ah yes, these are all of the things I hate, and I can't stand lazy bums, fat people and idiots. And what's worse is that, it's so much easier to be these kind of people than to be self-possessed. (possessed by self??)

Stop crying you stupid little girl it's not going to change anything, even if you don't read that pathology chapter you still have to know the prognosis for Gastric Ca. Ah yes don't we all know that adenocarcinoma carries worse prognosis, ah yes we all know what the survival rate is and all that shit I can't do this anymore. 

...............

I can't control others around me, but I can control myself. So to the little fat girl inside, don't you dare come out. I no longer need you, you've been with me for far too long. Go away.

I can't even control my external rectal sphincter let alone my mind!

yes I am annoyed

Yes I am annoyed because you didn't want to treat me to an ice cream, and offered her instead. Why? Did I eat too much of your grapes? I didn't do enough for you? All I wanted was an ice cream. Okay, I'll go and buy my own, and I'll buy you an ice cream if you want. Just remember you're not the only one with a chip on your shoulder. And sometimes a little appreciation goes a long way.

It's true, don't sweat the small stuff. Okay I won't then. This is too trivial to tell anybody, but I don't want to keep it in because I'm fat and I don't need extra emotional calories with me.

Go away I don't want to talk to you.

Fatso

Fatso

A little fatso sat there
Oh how sat there,
Licking her fingers,
Little pudgy sausages,
Salty crumbs on her lap.

A little fatso dripped,
Oh how she wonderfully dripped,
Oily tears from her large pores,
Oh hush now little fatso,
You know this has happened before!

A little fatso screamed,
Oh how loudly she screamed,
And stamped her heavy feet,
And off they bounced,
Her fat rolls all aboard,
This fatso ship sailing on,
This oily fatso sea.

Your Mind

Your Mind

If your shrunken mind says it is so,
Then isn't it so.

If your knees will sway to and fro,
Then isn't it so.

If your bones will bend and break,
Then isn't it fair for you to take,
Ages and ages whilst he is gone,
And your wrinkled face so forlorn.

If there is another life for you,
Would you have the strength to pull it through,
Or is life just a repeated song,
Wouldn't you have stopped singing along.

Tell me please for I need to know,
That life in not just a fleeting show,
That you are telling me lies untrue,
That I will never be just another you.

Bus Ride

Bus Ride

Every morning I sat on the bus,
Quietly taking in the lingering rush,
Every morning the bus swerved and swayed,
And how surely it took me away.

Oh how I love to wave goodbye,
To the happy people up in the sky,
And how I love to say hello,
To the people walking down below.

The bus turned a corner,
As I sat and ponder,
Padded paws and fuzzy ears,
Her dirty shoes and crusted tears.

Candy clouds up on the trees,
Fluffy tails so careless and free,
Wrinkly legs slowly stumbling by,
While her young wings are eager to fly.

The bell broke the silence,
And the bus pulled to a stop,
I saw you waiting there,
Wit sunshine dripping from your hair.

To the Headmistress

To the Headmistress

Dear Mrs Headmistress,
This is your pupil speaking,
When the harsh light lit your tresses,
I can feel my knobbly knee trembling.

Dear Mrs Headmistress do see,
How do you like being do holy,
How do you like preaching,
Chastising and teaching,
Us lies and your deceits,
Your rookies and your misfits,
Write pages after pages,
Of words untrue,
But still you,
Put us in your golden cages,
Feeding us pristine lies,
Grudging enemies and filial ties.

"and you let them suds dry"

"and you let them suds dry"

Mrs Pronto is always late,
Mrs Pronto is full of hate,
Mrs Pronto thinks she's right,
Always Mrs Pronto is full of spite.

I helped Mrs Pronto do the dishes,
For her painful skin,
And arthritic fingers,
Creaked ever so loudly,
Beating again so surely,
The olden days that lingers.

She scolded me she did,
She said to me loudly she did,
"You stupid goon, look what you did!
You made the china cat cry,
You let the marble bird fly,
And you let them suds dry!"

Rest in peace Mrs Pronto,
Rest in peace now,
Don't you love the darken soil,
And the warm worms wriggling,
Between your dry toes.

From the mouth of a witch

From the mouth of a witch

Bend your ears,
My little dears,
And listen to me,
Sieve my faulty voice,
And cracked lips to see,
Trickle these drops,
Soothing sickly honey,
I'll let you stay and rest your pretty feet.

BETTY

I haven't updated my blog in ages. Just realised I've accumulated poems moems in my notebook, I better write them down before they got lost in the tides of time.

Betty

Betty has a bitter bone,
Poor Betty she's always alone,
Betty has a bitter bone,
Because for poor Betty,
Nobody ever picks up the phone.

Betty came to me again,
She wanted me to end the pain,
I said Betty,
If you want to be free,
You have to laugh at your own misery,
Fall then you crawl,
Hurt before you could love,
And stumble before you rise above.